Sunday, December 30, 2007

Self Acceptance

If I have felt naked when showing my artwork, then sharing my writing feels like being naked on my most bloated, broken out, inflamed psoriasis, bad hair day. When I show people my photos I am saying, "I think this looks cool, how bout you?" And the worse someone could say is "I think it looks stupid or ugly, or I don't like it." When I share my writing I am sharing my thoughts and feelings. If someone doesn't like what I write it isn't just a matter of aesthetics, it is a rejection of me.

So why do it? Why put my writing into cyberspace to be judged by an audience? Why not just continue to keep a journal? Yes, blogging is a creative outlet, but is it also narcissism or egomania? Or is it just human nature to want to communicate with other human beings by any mode possible?

Until I started this blog I had forgotten that as a kid I wanted to be a writer. That dream was squashed when I failed the college placement essay test. My ego was too fragile at the tender age of 17. Hundreds of ego deaths later, at the vulnerable age of 41, I am willing to risk again. I am using this creative outlet to express myself to anyone who cares to be bothered. I hope that you like it, but what is most important is that I like it. I wouldn't put it out there if I didn't. What a great gift to myself. I value my thoughts and feelings enough to put them out there! That is something special. Like it or not.

2 comments:

Gale said...

You go girl!!!!! How wonderful that you are so strong.

April Groves said...

Our world views are a bit different. Our love of our husband and children are not. I think your pictures are incredible (lame-o compliment, I know - I just can't yet put into type how much I enjoy them and why). Your writing is fun and I hope you'll keep giving me stuff to read.

Here's to being naked :)